Catching Butterflies

So you are in a long-term relationship and now that you’ve been together for a while, you’re finding yourself hitting some road bumps. Perhaps, at this point, you’re wondering exactly why relationships are so difficult to maintain. In the beginning, maybe you found everything to be relatively easy, things unfolded pretty well, you didn’t fight or disagree, no one freaked out while trying to decide which movie to watch on Netflix or which restaurant to order from.

Do you know that feeling where you simply just love being in love? You feel physically better, the sun seems brighter, all is right in the world, and you can’t wait to wake up and you don’t want to sleep, you just want to talk and be with that special person? Maybe I have once been in that moment.

I’ll tell you exactly how it feels, it feels like catching butterflies and putting them inside a glass container so you can revisit, and look at the glass container over and over again just in case the other decides to wake up someday be distant, and leave your text on read for days.

Too many times we enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations. We long for the perfect relationship where our partners are perfect and say all the right things, take care of our every need, and understand us.

The reality is that you enter into a relationship as strangers, and over time you grow with that person.The problem is that sometimes we grow into different people with different interests and desires. People change over time. And don’t ever think it’s your fault we changed into different people than when we first met, it just happens.

The person you’re dating or married with is not going to be the same person five years later. People’s thoughts, ideals, goals, and appearances change over time, and there are some of us who cannot accept those changes in their mates. They feel that this is not the person I fell in love with.

This may be true, but in time you could learn to understand and fall in love all over again with the new person you are living with. Relationships go through stages because life throws you so many curves, and those curves cause people to change their perception of life and relationships.

Sometimes you can’t control the changes that take place.Sometimes there are reasons beyond your mate’s control that creates that change. In any case, you still have to remember that you made a commitment to that other person, and you owe it to them to work on making your relationship work. Younger couples today don’t honor the commitments they make which is sad.

It’s easy for them to walk away and look for something younger, prettier or richer. The problem is you will still find yourself in the same situation with someone else if you don’t learn how to maintain a long lasting relationship.

Money also seems to be high on the list of reasons couples don’t make it. In a long term relationship there will be times that finances are great and times when finances are low, but always remember that you love each other through the good and the bad.
No matter what life throws at you, together you can make it through anything.

When times are hardest is when the strength of your relationship will surface. You will either band together and work as a team, or like some couples, you will argue, blame and have resentment towards one another.

Last but not least, you have to make time for each other. Take weekend getaways, go on dinner dates, take long walks together, go for a massage together or just watch a movie together but a chill and Netflix makes sense during the lockdown. Spending quality time together is key for having a relationship that lasts.

These times you spend together allows you time to communicate with each other when you are both relaxed, which will allow for a more productive conversation to work out your disagreements.

Relationships don’t last anymore because people are not willing to sacrifice a part of themselves for someone else, or make the comprises needed to make a relationship work.

Also communicating your dealbreakers to your partner is important, so they know the things you can’t stand for.

If you truly love someone you will put the work in to make sure your partner feels secure, loved, and needed. At times it will not be easy, but the payoff is a lifelong friend, lover and companion for life.